Back in the 1970s, when we were in a much smaller space, and into the mid-1980s when we moved to our much larger location, a few of our staff would take note of hilarious things the occasional customer would say; we heard an amazing number of malaprops and misnomers in those years though not so much anymore, perhaps because everyone has so much more information these days with the Internet and all. For the entertainment of all our good customers and website readers, I present you here with some choice morsels. A few refer to product names that our friends of the younger generation might not recognize, and for those of you I’ve included brief explanations. I promise you, every one of these was said in all seriousness and is reported here verbatim. Here we go………
I’d like one in Dreadnaught color; How much is the pre-Columbian Tele?; I need a tuning horn; Do you have books by Mell-o-Bray? (Mel Bay); Can I see one of those that isn’t yet?; I want a guitar with a scaffold fingerboard (scalloped, a la Yngvie Malmsteen); Can you adjust my interaction?; I need some wound-bound strings; Do you have any Kahlua Martins? (Koa); I want a flamingo guitar (Flamenco); I’d like my fingerboard ironed; I need an aromatic pitch pipe (chromatic); My guitar is twanging and I can’t tell if it’s twanging good or bad; Do you have a dreadlock-size case?; If I put $400 into this guitar, will it be worth it to me?; How do I control the humility of my guitar?; I need to get my intonation upset; I want a Decision Bass; I want a Co-cussion Bass; Does it come with a tar-paper case?; I need strings for a narrow-throat guitar; My guitar broke at the tuning bone; My guitar needs a new Valium pot; I want a guitar with a Byzantine cutaway.
That’s enough for now; this was only from the first few pages of The Book. Stay tuned…….